


love is not afraid of you

by cloudysunglasses



Series: we need to share our wars [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Asriel POV, Canon Divergence - Chara lives, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not Charasriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 20:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9625019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudysunglasses/pseuds/cloudysunglasses
Summary: For once, Asriel realizes the reality of the situation before it's too late to stop it.(In which Asriel comes clean and Chara survives.)





	

You don't know what you expected.

You don't know what Chara was expecting either - you rarely understand what goes on in their mind - but it doesn't seem like they thought it would take this long, either.

Because it's been _days._

...Chara's normally so much cooler than this, expression neutral, eyes intense, never ever showing a bit of weakness. They were everything you ever wished you could be, but right now...

It reminds you of that one time a while ago, where you shoved them into one of the shallow streams in Waterfall. And it was just a joke! When they glared at you, you even jumped in just to make them feel better, and honestly? _You_ should've been the upset one, because their skin dries off easy-peasy while your own thick fur takes _forever_ to properly dry, and you got wet just because they didn't know how to take a prank!

But then something happened. Mom said it was called "sickness"; apparently a human's physical body was so complicated that stuff on the inside just went _wrong_ sometimes, and that was called being sick. She didn't know what caused it, but stuff like cold made it worse. You didn't get it either - what did she mean, stuff just went wrong sometimes? It didn't make any sense, but all she said was that she didn't know anything else. It'd been thousands of years since she last met a human, and she had never studied human medicine anyway.

Either way, Chara acted weird for what felt like ages. They'd been super woozy, their skin felt even warmer than usual, and they did gross stuff like kneel over the trash can and, as Mom put it, "threw up". Nasty!

According to them, they'd caught a "bug", but that didn't make any sense either. Their hands had been empty when they said that, so where were they keeping the bug? You looked all over the room you shared, but couldn't even find it. If there was a bug making them be like this, maybe if you killed it they'd be better and Mom would let them out of bed to play again.

It's like that now, but so, so much worse.

You're at their bedside right now. Chara's normally so much cooler than this; they notice everything, but they didn't even look up when you opened the door. You're standing over them and they aren't even looking at you, eyes unfocused and glassy. You would think they'd fallen down, if it weren't for the raspy sound of their breathing.

They're supposed to look up at you, slightly confused, and ask why you were staring. They didn't do any of that, and it was - it was scary. You feel a sudden pang in your heart; you miss them, you miss the Chara who spoke like they knew what they were doing, who would look at you like you were the only one who could understand.

You take a deep breath, straighten, and reach for the carefully wrapped box in your pocket. That's why you prepared this, after all.

It was a very neatly wrapped package, 100% due to Dad’s help; he'd seen you struggling with the tape, and offered to help. Dad was good with stuff like that, and the box looked picture-perfect, smooth white wrapping and a bright red bow, the exact same shade as Chara’s eyes.

You pulled it out and presented it to them, waiting for their response. They have to say something now; maybe you on your own weren't interesting enough, but the box was something new, they had to ask what it was. They had to talk to you.

They didn't.

You waved it around a little, but they still didn't say anything. You were going to have to make the first move, weren’t you.

“Chara? I got you something.” They look at up at you now, eyes still unfocused, like they can barely tell you’re there. You don’t know what’s going on in their head right now, you don’t know what’s making them so foggy, but you don’t like it. Something is prickling in the back of your mind, and you hate it, you hate it, you hate it.

You’re scared.

“It’s - it’s a present for you. I can open it, if you want?” No answer, but they’re still looking at you, and that’s something. You take it as a yes, and start unwrapping the present, being gentle with the ribbon but freely ripping up the wrapping paper. No one needed the wrapping paper, but maybe Chara could wear the ribbon later, if they wanted.

Except there...there wouldn't be a later...you put the thought out of your mind immediately, because tears were welling up in your eyes and you are not a crybaby. The locket you were wearing, that you had hidden under your sweater this entire time, feels heavy.

You pull it out of hiding so it rests on the outside of your sweater, and open the box to reveal its twin. _Best Friends Forever._

Chara blinks, and it seems like they're trying to sit up, but they just slump back in the sheets. You'll have to take the initiative again, you guess.

You set the box on Chara’s lap, pull out the locket, and unfasten it. Then, you scoot closer, and fasten it around their neck for them. That's what best friends did; if Chara couldn't do it themself, then he would just have to do it for them. But they're still not saying anything, and their eyes are still unfocused and glassy, but your arm brushes against their chest and you could feel its rise and fall, so they haven't fallen down...yet...

...you were kind of really stupid. Tears well up in your eyes again, and this time you let them fall, except Chara _still_ won't react and still won't say anything, and you miss the Chara who'd try to comfort you in their own awkward, stilted way. You hate this, you hate this, but as time passes Chara would be worse and worse and worse and then they would, they would _die._

When you agreed to the plan, your brain had fixated on the “We'll be heroes,” part instead of “I need to die for this to work.” You always wanted to be a hero, someone brave and strong, someone who saved the day and who everyone loved for it. And you were a selfish idiot for deciding you could let Chara die as long as you got to be strong.

Chara’s right here, and you miss them so much that your eyes are wet and your heart aches.

“Chara...I…”

You reach up to wipe the tears out of your eyes, but the fur on your face is still damp. It seems like they're trying to say something, finally, but all that comes is a cough and a wheeze before they're quiet again.

There was something he needed to do.

“Can you...um...can you wait here?”

You spin around, leaving the box on their bed, and walk out the door 

\---

“Mom?”

It didn’t take long to find her; all you needed to do was make a beeline to the kitchen, where she was puzzling over boxes of roots and snails while muttering to herself something too quiet and too fast for you to hear.

 _You_ knew it was poisoning, that it wasn’t the same kinda illness Chara had gotten after he pushed them into the stream, but to everyone else, they had gotten sick again, and this time it was much more severe. Mom was convinced that they hadn’t been getting enough “noo-trients”, whatever that meant. Apparently humans could get super sick if they didn’t eat enough types of human food; you didn’t get it, because food was food, but it turns out human bodies needed other stuff too. She didn’t know exactly what, because millennia ago even _human_ healers didn’t know, so how would Mom?

So she just made food out of physical ingredients as often as she could. That was how stuff like snail pie came about, grabbing whatever physical ingredients they could - snails, rats, different roots she knew weren’t poisonous - and forced them to eat it. Chara hated the rats, and they didn’t like the taste of pure snails, so: snail pie.

Chara didn’t like licorice, but there was this thing called licorice root that Mom made them chew on, too. It kinda slowed down how sick they got, but they were so miserable that she stopped. If they were miserable, then wouldn’t that affect their health? At least, that’s what you overheard a few days ago in a hushed conversation between Mom and Dad when they thought you couldn’t hear.

She hadn’t heard you the first time, so you approached her and tried again.

“Mom? I have something to tell you…please don’t be mad…”

Mom clearly heard that, because she put down the root she had been cutting and turns around to look at you. 

“What is it, my child?”

As soon as she said that though, you froze. How were you supposed to explain this…? How were you supposed to tell her the plan, that Chara trusted only you with it, and most of all, that you had been selfish enough to do this to them just because you wanted to be a hero? How were you supposed to say this…?

There were tears in your eyes again. Mom’s face wrinkled in concern, and she pulled a tissue from the box resting on the countertop and kneeled own to gently wipe your eyes. That almost made you feel even worse…

“My child, is something wrong?” Her voice is sweet and gentle and all you could do was let out a sob.

“M-mommy…” You haven't called her that in forever, because big kids said mom, not mommy, but it just slipped out. You didn't feel like a very big kid anyway. It seemed like she picked up how upset you must be to say that, because she leaned closer and hugged you tightly.

“What happened?” You sniffle a little.

“Ch-Chara’s g-gonna d-die…” Her eyes soften and she started gently stroking the fur on the top of your head.

“Chara is very ill, yes, but do not worry. We will do everything in our power to save them.”

“Y-you don't g-get it…!” You hiccuped and tears continued to flood down your face. “They're g-gonna die...Th-they s-said they n-need t-to die…”

She suddenly pulled back, and looked at you directly. Her eyes were full of concern, and was that shock?

“...Do not tell me…”

“Th-they’re _tr-trying_ to die…”

She lets go of you now, and takes you by the shoulders.

“Asriel - “ And you it's serious, because she never calls you by your name, “ - tell me everything.”

So you do.

Her eyes widen even more as you explain, how bad Chara felt after the buttercup pie incident, how they came to you and said how the two of you could be the heroes who freed the underground if they died and you took their soul, how they said it had to buttercups because of a thing called karma, and you had just nodded your head even though you didn't actually know what that word meant.

Mom stands up and was about to rush away - probably to Chara’s bedside - but you grab onto her sleeve before she can go. She turns around to face you again.

“I’m s-such a b-bad p-person…” You don’t know why you chose to say that when she almost certainly already knows. She had things to take care of, like healing Chara, not comforting a pathetic crybaby who almost killed his best friend.

But, you tell her anyway. She kneels again and gives you another hug, and you bury your head on her shoulder and just sob while she rubs soothing circles on your back.

“I understand that you both had good intentions. I wish you would've told me sooner, but I'm glad you told me at all. You...you were misguided.” You sniffle again. “But you had good intentions. It does not make you a bad person.”

“Y-you d-don’t g-g-get it…I w-was gonna h-help them d-die s-s-so I c-could b-be a h-hero…”

She rubs your back, but it’s a few moments before she says anything else. Maybe Mom agrees. Maybe Mom hates you now. Maybe she’s thinking about how to tell you that in the worst possible way. Maybe Mom and Dad are never going to speak to you again.

“My child, you did what you thought was right. I forgive you. Chara will too.”

You cry and cry and cry.

\---

It turns out that Chara wasn’t going to be better just because Mom knows now.

You follow her to Chara’s bedside, and she’s fussing over them, opening their mouth to - what you think, anyway - check if there’s any buttercups (and ew, why would there be, they would’ve swallowed them?), and you just sort of watch from the doorway so you don’t get in her way. Chara seems to be doing a little better than when you talked to them earlier, because they’re actually looking at Mom and saying something that you can’t hear. All Mom does is hug them gently and then go back to her fussing.

She straightens, and makes her way to the doorway. You move so you don’t slow her down, and now that the two of you are alone, you go to their bedside.

They’re more responsive than before, but again, not as sharp as they normally are. Their eyes are still glassy, but not as much as before, and at least they’re looking at you properly now. You open your mouth to say something, but before you can, they speak.

“Asriel.” Their voice is wheezy - they had a problem thing they called “az-ma” since before they fell, and something about the buttercups apparently made it even harder to breathe - “She figured it out.”

Your chest tightens. They don’t know you told her. Mom didn’t tell them that much.

“She’s knows. She’ll stop me from eating them, and she might be able to fix this. You have to bring as many as you can right now, while she’s gone.” Their voice is urgent and it hurts, it hurts that apparently they had so much faith in you that it never even occurred to them that you could’ve said something. But they have to know.

Your heart aches because they don’t even notice or comment on the tear tracks and snot caught in your fur. They’re normally so good at noticing this stuff, and they care so much, even though they call themself a bad person. Chara always grabs tissues, wipes your eyes, and gets you to wash your face, and they rub your back until you can calm down and tell them what’s wrong. They care so much but they don’t even notice right now.

It must mean that you’re a really bad person, that you want them to comfort you right after you betrayed them.

“A-about that…” You gulp. This is gonna be hard. “I. I can’t do that.”

They’re still foggy, but that definitely gets their attention. They try to sit up a few times, keep falling back into their bed, and eventually give up, but their eyes are a little sharper now.

“Asriel, didn’t you hear what I said? You have to, or the whole plan is going to fail.” They give you an imploring look. “We need to do this if we want to free monsterkind.”

They still don’t understand. They just don’t understand. There’s a lump in your throat and your eyes are teary again, but you do your best to calm down and speak properly.

“Chara…” You take a deep breath. “...I don’t like this plan anymore.” Their eyes widen.

“Asriel - “

“I d-don’t wanna do this anymore.” You can’t help it, your voice wobbles a bit. “I-I d-don’t want you to die...So I’m n-not gonna help you anymore.” They try to say something, but you cut them off before they can. “I. I don’t wanna help you die. I d-don’t w-want you to d-die at all.”

Chara is quiet for a moment, and you chew on your claws while you wait for their answer. You don’t want them to die, but you don’t want them to hate you either, and the suspense hurts.

But they just laugh and laugh and laugh until they can’t breathe and just start coughing. You try to take their hand, but they brush your arm aside. It takes a little bit before they can finally speak again.

“I should’ve known you would be too soft to help.” They let out another laugh, and your heart drops to your feet. You knew they’re be upset, but...you kinda hoped it would be like with Mom, where everything was magically okay and they forgave you and all was well. Mom was wrong; maybe they really wouldn’t forgive you after all.

To your surprise, they try to get up. It’s hard, though, and they don’t manage it, but unlike before, they don’t give up and instead keep struggling. You feel so sorry for them, and so guilty that you’re the reason they’re this sick.

“Wh-what are you doing…? You should stay in bed.” You try to grab their hand, but again, they just brush your arm away.

“If you can’t give me the buttercups, then I’ll need to fetch them myself.” The tears that had been in your eyes finally start to fall, because they still don’t understand at all.

So you hug them, and they stiffen, but they don’t push you away again. It loosens the lump in your throat, but for all you know, maybe they had just tired themself out and was too weak to fight anymore. Your heart hurts so much.

“P-please don’t.” Your voice is starting to sound a little desperate now. “Please.”

They try to pull away from you now, but you just hold on tighter.

“And why not? The results would be nothing but positive. Monsterkind would be free. We’ll be heroes, Asriel.” You let out a sob at that and just hold on to them tighter. That was what convinced you to agree in the first place, and then they say it again, and it reminds you of how pathetic you are for having listened in the first place.

“It - no, no, no, I’d miss you, I - “

“Asriel.” Their voice is so serious that you freeze, and they successfully escape your hug. “I...I’ve caused nothing but problems since I fell. I poisoned your dad, I take up too much space, your parents spent money on getting me clothes and feeding me, you’re all forced to put up with my existence, so...the best outcome is for my soul to be useful.” You bite your lip, because you hate this, you hate how calm they are while saying these terrible lies. There’s something horrible squirming in your gut.

“Ch-Chara...Chara…” You take another deep breath.”

“Yes?”

“You’re, you’re an _idiot!”_ That comes out a little harsher than you expect it, but you can’t help yourself. “An - an _idiot_! You’ve done n-nothing but m-make everything better when you joined us!” They’ve gone very still now, and just stare at you with something you think is probably surprise in their eyes.

“Asriel…”

“It’s the truth! W-we, we all care about you! I care about you! I was s-so lonely b-before you came...” Before they can respond, you hug them again, this time even more tightly. Unlike before, though, they don’t try to push you away. "I w-was so l-lonely...You're m-my first friend, and my b-best friend, and I c-care about you a-and you c-care about me t-too."

“...”

“Ch-Chara...I c-care about you m-more than anyone else in the whole entire w-world...Pl-please d-don’t die...p-please don’t go anywhere where I can’t follow you…”

Chara doesn’t say anything, but after a while, they hug you back.

It hurts, it hurts, but that gesture from them that makes you smile. Maybe things are going to be okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> the first time i've published a fanfic in years! how exciting.
> 
> something to note about how monster healing in this universe: toriel doesn't know how things like vitamins and nutrients exist, nor what kinds of foods to eat them, but she HAS seen humans who went through time with only one kind of food get a thing called scurvy. monster food goes straight to pure energy; there won't be any vitamins or nutrients there.
> 
> she feeds them snails because snails are physical and probably have stuff in them that can help chara out. when chara gets sick, her first assumption is that they've gone too long without certain nutrients, and makes them eat what little physical food she can give them.
> 
> also! small fun fact: licorice root has been said to help ease the symptoms of buttercup poisoning. kinda funny how chara seems to hate that when talking about the monster candy, huh.
> 
> check me out at imitationknife for more memes,


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